Playing by ear Saturday, Jul 19 2008 

Advice - Bad drduarte 8:59 am

Dear Doctor, is it easier to play a piece by ear after one hearing than following the roll?

Yes and no. Slow pieces are playable by ear quite easily. However, heavily perforated pieces played presto pose potential problems. Supplying such songs sufficient suction by ear requires deft cranial compression upon the treadles with your ears to avoid accidentally acquiring an acute migraine headache. Manipulation of control levers may also prove problematic during ear treadling. A charming waltz by me and popular at Irish wakes as a two-ear arrangement is my Roll No.D-05 The Funeral March Waltz (Chopin arr Duarte).

 

Shoes Saturday, Jul 19 2008 

Advice - Bad drduarte 8:58 am

Dear Doctor, can old shoe boxes be used for roll storage

Yes, but only certain titles. “The Girl with the Brogue” from ‘The Arcadians’ and “The Flat Foot Floogee” are good examples.

 

Making new boxes Saturday, Jul 19 2008 

Advice - Bad drduarte 8:57 am

Dear Doctor, how might I best fabricate replacement roll boxes?

Cut the bottom few inches from a Cornflakes box and the same from a slightly larger Rice Krispies box. Place the roll in the bottom of the Cornflakes packet and then put the top of the Rice Krispies box over it for a perfect fitting lid. You can save on assembly time if you keep repeating the words “Cornflakes – bottom – Rice Krispies – top” while you assemble the boxes. Eating this much cereal to re-box your collection is very healthy indeed!

 

Fitting a mandolin rail Saturday, Jul 19 2008 

Advice - Bad drduarte 8:57 am

Dear Doctor, what is the best way to fit a mandolin rail?

Push the contents of a box of brass drawing pins into the striking face of the hammers to give you all the rinky-tink you need! An average box has about 60 pins so start a couple of octaves up or you’ll run out of rinky-tink before the high treble. Your QRS rewind holes may never sound the same again! Not all music may be suited to pianos thus doctored (no pun intended). Be warned though – that serene ballad of loveliness “The Rosary” may sound worse than usual. My inspirational genius has created a special new version suitable for mandolin rail players. The roll is;- Roll No.D-02 The Rosary – a 4 hand ragtime one-step arrangement + chime effects (Nevin arr Duarte). Why not also try my Roll No.D-03 Indian Sitar Dinner Music (traditional arr Duarte) as sitar music sounds quite realistic on a mandolin rail.

 

Hot music – and cold Saturday, Jul 19 2008 

Advice - Bad drduarte 8:55 am

Dear Doctor, so as to easily identify my boxless Meloto foxtrots I’ve painted the spool ends blue and red. Red for hot music and blue for tunes that leave me cold.

A good idea. I painted all my roll spools accordingly until I got to “The Ritual Fire Dance” which should be “red” however it always leaves me cold so it’s all mucked up and I have consequently thrown your letter away in the bin! Incidentally Welte once used your type of colour system – turgid dull germ-manic stuff on red paper and tunes of sheet music that only ever sold less than 50 copies on green paper. Ever since then, for fear of looking uneducated, musical snobs have regularly parted with serious cash for these rolls which are so dull even bookworm leave them alone. As the old saying goes;- “Welte – bin, James P. Johnson – spoolbox.”

 

How to buy a cheap Steinway Saturday, Jul 19 2008 

Advice - Bad drduarte 12:32 am

Dear Doctor, Steinway pianos are too expensive for my limited pocket, how can I buy one cheaply.

Dear Reader, you must drive the market price down. Place several “for sale” ads in this bulletin offering Steinways at say £100 each. When callers ring merely inform them that the piano has gone. If you place do this for a while then the price will soon fall as people assume that this is all Steinways are fetching and that people are hurrying to offload them for whatever money they can still get out of the instruments. You should be able to buy one for the true value of a organette within months.

 

Pianola Blogola Friday, Jul 18 2008 

1/2 Thoughts and Advice - Bad and Ramblings drduarte 9:54 am

There I was sat on the bus listening to the driver whistle “If I Only Had a Brain” from the Wizard of Oz. And I thought to myself : to save the environment I could recycle all my old thoughts instead of expending resources creating new ones. In a metaphorical flash my new pianola “Blogola” was born!