Dear Doctor, if rubber won’t go over nipples is this because it’s too kinky?
Yes, that is the reason. Is this a pianola problem?
Welte Mignon Saturday, Jul 19 2008
1/2 Thoughts 8:59 am
Dear Doctor, do you say “welt-eee” or “veldt” or “weeeelte” or “velt-eee” or what?
I have not a clue and cannot assist.
The Themodist Church Friday, Jul 18 2008
1/2 Thoughts 11:58 pm
Dear Doctor, I’d heard of Methodists but never the Themodists until I saw them mentioned on a hymn roll box. Did they make many rolls for them? I wonder if there are many around. I’ve never met a practising one.
Dear Reader, Themodists died out after dodos but before pacifism. The reason you’ve never met a practising Themodist is simply because they have no need to practice.
Why is this pianola different from all others? Friday, Jul 18 2008
1/2 Thoughts 3:15 pm
Dear Doctor, the pianola is truly the king of the instruments but what is it above all other things that sets it apart from anything else?
Dear Reader, with the pianola the performer may create an utterly unique highly individualistic musical performance with which they ravish the ears of their audience to the point of a musical ecstasy whilst simultaneously being able to drink a pint of beer and smoke a fag. There is no other musical instrument whereby the performer may comfortably smoke and drink throughout their own performance. It surely is the king of instruments.
Sieve-like memory as a compositional aid Friday, Jul 18 2008
1/2 Thoughts 3:10 pm
Dear Doctor, why did Liszt write all those “Reminiscences” of various operas? Couldn’t he remember how they went? I heard the fancy bits diverted you from the fact he couldn’t reminisce the proper melody but people liked the fancy bits so Liszt just published them as they were.
Dear Reader, yes, it’s true. With the money he made he went out and bought himself proper piano-vocal scores eventually. I agree, he should have done it the other way around. The later ones have less opera and more guff as his memory became worse which was how he ended up writing atonal stuff. Liszt wasn’t alone in his music betraying his state of health. Beethoven went so deaf he had no idea that his music would appeal to germans, Rubinstein wrote his famous Malady in F and Andrew Lloyd-Webber developed such poor short-term memory that by the time he got from the piano back to his writing desk he’d often forgotten the tunes he had in his head were actually written by someone else altogether!
Obsessed by the necessity to scan rolls obsessively Friday, Jul 18 2008
1/2 Thoughts and Advice - Good 3:06 pm
Dear Doctor, I have become so obsessed with scanning rolls it has nearly ruined my life! I was previously obsessed with other things until I read of the necessity to scan rolls generally and now I’m obsessed by the necessity to scan specific rolls obsessively for innumerabale reasons and generally can’t get any of it out of my head.
Dear Reader, well, don’t panic ; you’re not the first person it’s happened to I assure you. I once had a friend who invented the obsession of the necessity to scan rolls generally and specifically it nearly ruined his life too. Then after that there was that Julian Dyer chap who even obsessed over specifically the manner of how paper should be scanned and generally why (as opposed to specifically why) until he answered his own questions generally by discovering specific alternate uses for 12 inches of plastic roof gutter and a piece aluminium bacofoil minus the roast potatoes. Archimedes was in the bath when he had his big “Eureka” discovered moment : don’t even think of trying to guess what Julian was doing with roast potatoes on the roof. Perhaps the government will fat-grant a support group.
Pianola Dog-n-Bone Cell Phone Tone Moan Friday, Jul 18 2008
1/2 Thoughts and Advice - Good 2:34 pm
Dear Doctor, I would like to scan some nice Artona piano rolls for conversion into ringtones for my mobile/cell-phone. What are your thoughts?
Dear Reader, your choice of Artona is spot-on. Turning a (facile) musical arrangement into a (facile) fanfare with which to announce the commencement of your (facile) conversation to all and sundry around you is paradoxically de-rigeur. It’s the pianola era all over again. Then, everyone fancied they were Paderewski but couldn’t play a note. Now, everyone fancies they’re Bertram Russell but have nothing to say of note. Why not use Stravinsky “Les Noces” as a ringtone. You might then appear and feel highbrow before you publicly prattle loudly to the contrary.
Pianola Blogola Friday, Jul 18 2008
1/2 Thoughts and Advice - Bad and Ramblings 9:54 am
There I was sat on the bus listening to the driver whistle “If I Only Had a Brain” from the Wizard of Oz. And I thought to myself : to save the environment I could recycle all my old thoughts instead of expending resources creating new ones. In a metaphorical flash my new pianola “Blogola” was born!
